I’ve been introspective lately, and I’ve decided to forgive those who have slighted me. Not for their sake, but for mine. I’ve been carrying a heavy burden: shame born of cruelty, anger at those who mocked my efforts to improve an entire industry, fear from stalkers, disappointment with fair-weather friends who vanished when I needed them. Frustration with frenemies I tolerated simply because they were information security famous or cyber security experts I once admired for knowing that 1=1 in the right places.

This doesn’t mean I’m going around shaking hands and hugging people. No. COVID. Ew. I’ll never forget the emotions or the projections of bitterness and insecurity aimed at me by bullies and antagonists. But I won’t let them hurt me anymore. I’ve survived things others couldn’t even imagine, rebuilt myself before, and I’ll do it again. I’m proud of that. Instead of chasing friendships with people who live for attention, I’ll start building my own path. Growing, creating, and focusing on myself.

For too long, I poured my energy into mentoring, teaching, volunteering, supporting others, just trying to help people be better. I gave everything and left none of my strength for myself. That’s going to change. I need me. There are people who genuinely need me and want me, not as a crutch for their incompetence, but as a source of real support.

I know these are just words on a screen for now, but they’ll come to life as I do.

I’ve been a lifeline for so many, but it’s time to be one for myself.